American Dream: The most pathetic idealism ever concocted.
Americans: A population excessively praised by the politicians seeking to bilk them, whose primary public project is to incarcerate as many of themselves as possible.
Amnesia: A mental condition which almost never occurs in real people but happens on a regular basis to television and movie heroes.
Analysis: Process by which people are helped to understand a thing by having it made incomprehensible.
Anaphylaxis: Letting something become more important than it ought to be.
Anesthesia: The strongest and most widespread desire in modern society.
Angel Food Cake: A cake only angels could like.
Anger: An emotion attended as much by noise as by mischief, which when exhibited, to any degree, by an employee of a public school system is followed by forced enrollment in a course for learning how to manage it, management being the religion of the modern age.
Anginophobia: A feeling that comes naturally to a person on the scaffold.
Anguish: A condition created by our own passions and appetites which we believe, with perfect confidence, to be the result of external causes.