Cacophony: The swirl of accents in the back of a Greyhound bus.
Cadillac: Automobile always depicted in television commercials as a vehicle for pompous asses.
Caffe Latte: Beverage ordered by the woman in front of you when you're in a hurry in a coffee shop.
Cain: A guy reputedly envious, but, in reality, stressed out by scarcity of women.
Calamity: The most commodious of occurrences and the delight of all who deem themselves "the media," except on those rare occasions when it comes knocking on their door whereupon it is transformed into an object of indignation and a threat to freedom of speech.
Calling: Advice from providential employment agency.
Callipygian: Pleasant adjective indicating an even more pleasant condition.
Callowness: The desire to be caressed on one's own terms.
Calmness: Suffering complacently what we cannot avoid.
Canaille: Elegant word for smelly people.
Canal: Commercial ditch which fell into disuse but is now being restored to provide mild exercise for genteel people, and their dogs.