HARVARD SQUARE COMMENTARY

August 20, 2007
From Sanitas

A Lexicon for the 21st Century

John Turner


Cancer: Prime method of eliminating a character from a television series on shows that are too women-oriented to use guns.

Candor: A quality one should not expect to find in friends.

Canopy: An appendage to a bed which appears useless until you sleep under it and have your coziness enhanced thereby.

Cant: Sanctimonious blather usually directed at the sexual practices of other people, which are first declared to be private and then subjected to scathing public censure.

Cantankerous: The character of passion in an old man, particularly one who watched too many Walter Brennan movies.

Canyon: Geographical feature which is abbreviated as "Cyn" on Los Angeles street signs, thus causing visitors astounding difficulties.

Capacity: Not the same thing as "ability," though some tend to use them synonymously.  They relate to differing powers, as indicated by the statement: "Orrin Hatch has the capacity but not the ability of sense."

Capitalism: That which exercises the same power on the social level that the mother does on the personal.

Capital Punishment: Practice whose evolution shows that squeamishness has nothing to do with enlightenment.

Caprice: That which is respected only in oneself.

Captiousness: A common disorder of age, brought on by having seen too much and by diminished sexual appetite.

Capybara: The world's biggest rodent, which some people say is a fish.


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