HARVARD SQUARE COMMENTARY

October 8, 2007
From Sanitas

A Lexicon for the 21st Century

John Turner


Clintonphobia: The merger of a multitude of conflicting bigotries into an unstable and extremely noxious concoction, erroneously, but understandingly, termed a conspiracy by Hillary.

Clique: A group of people who won't let you in.

Cloaca Theory: A mistaken theory which may be the source of much misanthropy.

Clock: A small mechanical or electronic tyrant.

Clone: A genetic reproduction which people have got in their heads is an exact reproduction, thus bringing forth the silly idea that, by cloning, one can get a substitute self.

Closet: Enclosure one exits to announce news exhilarating to progressive mothers.

Closing: Pretentious term for a meeting at a bank where one signs papers pledging to pay money for the rest of his life.

Clotted: A condition that is good with respect to cream and bad with respect to everything else, and especially bad with respect to the prose of anthropologists.

Co-dependency: The psychological term for marriage.

Coffee: A brownish beverage which demonstrates human fatuity by inducing extraction of the only component giving it worth.

Cognitive Dissonance: Intellectual screwed-upness which, if talk at cocktails parties is valid evidence, afflicts everyone.

Coherence: Quality considered unmannerly in conversation.


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