HARVARD SQUARE COMMENTARY

October 29, 2007
From Sanitas

A Lexicon for the 21st Century

John Turner


Computational Stylistics: Attention to the words used most frequently by a writer to see if her works can be distinguished from those of others: a useful tool should we be suddenly infested with a virus which destroys nothing but title pages.

Conceit: Stupidity in the habit of being flattered.

Concentration Camps: Another name for jails, which in America are thought always to occur in other countries despite an indigenous genius for maintaining them which stands second to none.

Concern: Attribution of non-existent problems to other people.

Concession: That which is obtained through force, usually a beating of one sort or another.

Conciliation: Telling people what they want to hear, especially when it's not true.

Concretism: The belief that God's powers are limited to moving matter around.

Conditioner: In the age of psychology, therapy for your hair.

Condom: Term once though shameful which is now hammered into the psyche of every elementary school child.

Conduct: A subject for which children received grades in school until it was discovered that a low grade was always the result of mental illness.

Conference: Gathering to which academic people repair for illicit sex.

Confession: A practice urged continually by silly people who take no account of the character of the persons likely to hear it.


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