HARVARD SQUARE COMMENTARY

January 7, 2008
From Sanitas

A Lexicon for the 21st Century

John Turner


Democracy: A chassis that will carry anything you want to load on it.

Democrats: A political party which exists for the purpose of helping people screw money out of the government directly rather than getting it through inflated contracts as Republicans do.

Demons: Creatures who attack during the transition between thought and words on the page.

Demystification: A campaign to make the earth flatter than even the flat-earthers say it is.

Deodorant: A product marketed for many uses; a brand called "Sunset Kid" reputedly drives snakes and rodents out of your bed.

Deontology: Belief system of generals who have read almost no history, and have misunderstood what they did read.

Depravity: A term indicating belief in a person's total badness, without a spark of mercy or nobility of soul, and therefore a term that, probably, conveys a lie.

Depression: Condition once linked to the events of life but now seen to be a disturbance in the magnetic field.

Depthlessness: One degree worse than shallowness.

Desert: A place where people go to get saved, or, else, to kill other people.

Deserter: An attendee at an academic conference who can't stand to listen to the papers and, instead, hangs out in the hotel bar hoping to meet an interesting-looking woman (only men are deserters because women are too professionally conscientious; in fact, professional women at conferences are conscientious to within a millimeter of insanity).

Desolation: The feeling on a gray morning when one must go out among men of business.


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