President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside Washington as part of his campaign to restore his pathetic poll standings.
His image handler made a visit to the Bishop and said, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on stem cell research, the Iraq war, hurricane Katrina, and the Veterans Administration. We'll make a $100,000 contribution to your church if during your sermon you will say that the President is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church is desperate for funding - I'll do it."
Bush showed up for the sermon, and the Bishop began:
I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President who is a liar, a cheat,
and a low-intelligence numb -nuts who can't put a compound sentence together.
He bugged out of combat service during the Vietnam War and went AWOL to avoid
a drug test, then had all reports on the sordid event destroyed.
He is the spawn of a Nazi loving great grandfather who smuggled anti-Americans
into this country on his shipping line.
He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate the
He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq for oil and money,
causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making the United States the most
hated country on earth. It is a three-trillion dollar folly.
He appointed fund-raiser cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to
widespread death and destruction due to government paralysis after Hurricane
He awarded no-bid cost-plus contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we
now have more poverty in this country and a greater gap between rich and poor
than we've had since the Depression.
He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot Dome.
The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6 trillion Dollars.
Oil rose from $18 to over a hundred per barrel, leading to transportation costs which
the people of America cannot afford, with low minimum wages, part time jobs, no
health insurance, and outsourcing.
Vital research into global warming and stem cells is stifled because he's afraid to
lose votes from religious kooks.
He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known, but compared to Dick