HARVARD SQUARE COMMENTARY

June 9, 2008
From Sanitas

A Lexicon for the 21st Century

John Turner


Frolic: A thing never to be done in the presence of a fool.

Frugality: Stinginess viewed in the best possible light.

Frustum: A pyramid that got too close to a rotary mower.

Fuck: Verb widely regarded as vulgar and unutterable in polite company which nonetheless remains the only precise word in English to designate a basic activity; attempts to domesticate it always fail miserably.

Full-figured: Euphemistic adjective for fat women; never applied to fat men, for whom the comparable adjective is simply "big."

Full Service Dining: The designation of a restaurant in an airport where you actually get to sit down for your meal.

Fumo-loco: Plant never grown by any tobacco company anywhere which nevertheless managed to worm itself into millions of cigarettes.

Functionalism: A school of psychology that seeks to banish human nature by refusing to worry about what anything is.

Fundamentalist: Person who believes that God made science so that others can find out what people of his stripe know already.

Funeral: A ceremony from which most come away with a good appetite.

Funeral Home: Place to which bodies are taken preliminary to the emotional blackmailing of those who were fond of the persons formerly inhabiting the bodies.

Future: Said to be that which is purchased by the present, but actually a great darkness into which it would be disaster to shine a beam of light.

Futurity: An expectation which if indulged completely will lead to perfect exasperation.


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